Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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