Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i think i have two assholes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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