i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
