Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
