Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
