We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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