he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
