we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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