i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
