I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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