I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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