you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I would ride that face into the sunset
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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