you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
