When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
