Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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