i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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