Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
