Yo dont text me then not text me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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