bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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