Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
