well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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