when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
