I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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