You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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