Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
