watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
