talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
