drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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