So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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