Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
