I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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