I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize