I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize