There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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