woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
