i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
