tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
