I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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