Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize