every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Shame - the story of my life.
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