stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
