I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
