the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
