Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
