so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
