I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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