I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
