haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
