dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
