So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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