Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
