You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
