In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
