Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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