You can't special order awesome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
