Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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