He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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