he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
