goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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