The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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