I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
