You're completely useless in the revolution.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
