I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
