can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
God, I missed his penis.
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