omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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