i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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