Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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