i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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