First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
