I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
