I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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