Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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