on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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