coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
