tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
